I've already spent $200 in a week, and I assure you, it is not a good sign. After a very long and angry phone call from pa before flying back to Sydney about how money doesn't grow on trees, I have taken everything I spend on into account. I've been trying to keep myself to a budget of no more of an average of $50 a week. Considering last term, I spent an average of $75 a week, which wasn't good at all. Within the two weeks that I've been here in Sydney, I've only been out 3 times, 2 of which I went to BJ Westfield shopping centre. I've also started keeping an MSExcel spreadsheet record of what I buy, how much I spend and how much I save.


I'm going to Canberra tomorrow morning on an history excursion. How bothersome! Thank goodness it's only one night long. And on the same topic of THINGS-THAT-BOTHER, Daylight Savings Time has once again, returned. That means I am now 3 HOURS ahead of Malaysian time, sigh. And that means I lose one hour of sleep tonight. My clock says 11pm. It's basically 12am, with DST. I should get to bed.

I've been missing home alot. I speak to mum at least once a week, and everytime I talk to her about what she and Lisa are cooking for dins, or who's open house she's at for Hari Raya, or about her new obsession over a demo tennis racket, I start to cry a little. Is it OK that I cry a little at the thought of home? One of my dorm mates, Ashleigh, has perfume that reminds me of mum. Sigh. Missing home like you wouldn't believe.

Otherwise, things are great. I have a nice dorm, great dorm mates, a lifestyle busy enough to keep me on my toes, and the drive that keeps me motivated everyday. Sydney's weather is a tad confused - it can't make up it's mind if it wants to be cold or hot. I start History Extension classes next week. There goes two hours of my Wednesday afternoon. I also start Tildesley Tennis training on Monday afternoons. There goes another hour and a half of my week.

Cheersssss.

Labels: homesick, school life

Now that I've finally reached the end of my schooling career, I've been finding it difficult to fully let the idea sink in - that I am now at the top of my school, a senior and a leader. The Year 8s, 9s and 10s have been doing their yearly exams, and whenever I hear them whine on and on about how difficult the paper was, or how much they've studied or how much they haven't studied, or when they worry about tomorrow's paper, I constantly remind myself that I was once in their shoes doing the exact same things during the exams.

Now that I'm in Year 12, I finally realise that after all those years, all that worrying and whining and constant pressure from exams and assessment tasks was time wasted. I smile everytime some random Year 8 or 9 girl whines after an exam about how difficult it was. It just reminds me of when I was in that situation, and how far I've come from there.

Ah, thinking of old random Malacca trips with Su and plastic bags, my days in the years before at school...

Cheers.

Labels: musings of life, school life, year 12 woes

Acceptance can mean many things. It could mean the acceptance of one's self into a community, a group, a pack or a family. It could mean the acceptance of one's self to the university of one's first choice. It could also mean the acceptance of a new concept or idea within a community, and the pledge to understand it without rejecting it for difference.

To me, acceptance is about accepting the changes that occur in our lives. The big changes - such as living by one's self in a whole new environment away from home, leaving behind the life you live to chase your dreams and passions, the inevitable changes in undergoing one's journey to self discovery. The big challenge in my life now is learning to accept people for who they are and their decisions. I am learning to accept the big changes in my life - things that have happened this year within school.

In doing so, I have done things I never would've imagined myself doing (not even in my entire lifetime) and have endured many rough falls where sometimes I found myself never standing up again. I have braved many storms and many rough seas, fought against fierce and powerful demons and here I am - happy, and in a state of ultimate well-being. These storms and demons were all within myself, and in conquering them, I have accepted the many terms that had been placed before me. Acceptance of what one may not neccesarily think of or want to understand. The things that one may not want to even try to take into account.

Acceptance is a good thing. It has put order in my life. It has given me the chance to breathe in freedom. It has given me the opportunity to observe the outer layers of life - the layers that not many can see. Of course, it takes time to fully accept big changes in our lives. It never happens within a night. It takes weeks, even months (possibly even years!) to fully overcome accepting the changes. Here, I'm glad to say that I have jumped many hurdles to seek ultimate freedom from all burdens, and I can proudly say that I have gone the distance. Of course, I'm not there yet. I haven't reached the peak, but I can feel that I am getting closer and closer as each day passes.

I do turn around to look at what I have left behind, often. I do turn back and observe life below me, and wonder what would have happened if I stayed behind. Would I be the person I am today? Sometimes I fall down a few steps, while looking back and it takes me alot more will to get back up onto my feet again. Nevertheless, as Alfred from Batman once said, "We fall so we can get back up again."

I've accepted what has happened to me recently, and when I look back on what has happened, I know I've done the right thing. Life isn't going to stop just because you've fallen down. You call out for life to pause and give you hand. Well, it won't. Life waits for no one because it's too selfish and self-centred. It only believes in itself and doesn't care about anyone else. All you have to do is get back on your feet and run after life twice as fast as it is moving, and overtake it. Then only, will you be able to stand up and smile before your past and the falls that you made over there, there and further up there. Then only, will you be able to fully accept your changes. Then only, will you be able to turn around to stare life in the face, stick your tongue out, sway your head from side to side and chant, "Na-na-naboo-boo!"

I quote Bono's lyrics from U2, a song I love to listen to over and over again: "Walk on." 'Cause that's the only way. I suppose then, acceptance, to me, is overcoming the many changes and challenges that life throws at you, and having the ability to walk on after a gruesome battle against it.

Do listen to that song. It really rox my sox. :)

Labels: musings of life

Decided to shoot myself. Take a minute to answer my Nohari, will you? Promise I won't murder you.
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=raeeeeee!

I finally picked a teacher as my Year 12 Mentor (he or she is supposed to talk to their students about any school or life matters, answer questions about work and the HSC, work as a liaison to other teachers and stuff like that). I picked the fiercest of the pack, the fastest and one of the most powerful forces (one never to be reckoned with!) in the school - Mrs Powell. I'd always thought she'd be a great ally in my final year of school. I'm glad to say that she was delighted to be my mentor eventhough she had never heard of my name before.

Other than that, I've had one fine day. Things at school have looked good. One thing I just can't shrug off immediately is the comment I received from my English teacher, who is one of the few teachers I fear around the school. Having read my idea of what "imagination" is, she said to me, "Ohh, niiiice... very interesting!" My heart stopped functioning for a bit after that. It felt like the end of the world, only not. xD

Counting the days home.
Cheers.

The days have been passing by slowly, and I really can't seem to understand why. Perhaps, I'm not over my holidays and the fact that this is the last term of the year and I will soon be able to spend alot more time with friends and family in 2 months time. Perhaps it's the feeling of wanting to be at home, with mum and family. Perhaps it's just sheer home-sickness.

It could very well be all of the above, but I power on. I need to get myself together and make this term a new start for the final lap of the journey. I've bought myself new folders to organise my work and stuff; I'm in a nice new room with fantastic dorm mates, who I idolise in terms of the way they study; the fact that I am now in Year 12 and that everything must be taken seriously, including simple homework. I'm psyched that it's almost over.

Sydney's been hot. Confused. It's cold in the morning, till about 11am and then spikes up near to 30 degrees after that. The flies have come out of, whereever they live in during winter... and they have been most annoying as usual.

Mmmkay, 'nuff with the small talk. I want to go to bed now. I need to catch up on more sleep.

Cheers.

Labels: school, sydney, year 12

I don't feel as if I am leaving tomorrow morning. I suppose it just hasn't hit me yet. In six hours time, I will be awake and getting ready for my flight. A few hours after that, I leave Damai and head for the airport. A few hours later, I board my flight back to Sydney.

The past few days have been all downhill. I'd done alot of lying around, falling asleep on the couch infront of the telly, spending hours sitting infront of my compy and eating. The mornings were spent playing tennis with mum. Saturday mornings were spent playing a tennis competition (which, by the way, I came in as the runner up and received a tin of Australian Open tennis balls and a trophy directed to the name KAMIKAZERAE) and some games with kids 2 years younger than me. It's been a great holiday, really. I'll be back for a better and longer one in two months.

See you all in Sydney :)
Cheers.

The last few days of the holidays are always the best. Mum knows that we like to go out and do everything we can (shopping, DVDs, eating) before we head back to the land down under. It's sad, but I've learnt to accept it. After all, I will be back in 8 weeks time for a 6 week holiday. It's fair.

I had a haircut today. If you've been reading my blog, then yes, ANOTHER one! I had originally wanted to look for a multi-purpose (or music instrument, in my case) tuner, so I wouldn't have much trouble during band rehearsals, let alone performances. Mum knew I was dying for a haircut, one that would take my hair shorter than it's current state. We headed up to desolate and hauntingly terrible in traffic Petaling Jaya to look for my old hairdresser, who left the salon we go to. We found him, fortunately, and got my haircut.

It must've been about 10-15 minutes that this lady had spent massaging shampoo into my hair. I kept smiling there, laughing to myself at the thought of it. It was a very good massage anyway. After she washed my hair, she gave me a neck massage. I should have left her a tip for her awesome service.

You know how a bit of vanity now and then doesn't hurt? Well, I love my new haircut. Just before I hopped into the shower to rid my hair of the styling products, I whipped on more wax and spiked my hair up. Ah, the wonders of short hair.

As I was saying, the last few days of our holidays are almost the best. All my friends are at school anyway, so there's really no point meeting up. I might as well catch up on the black DVD market, bag myself a few new clothing items and spice Catch up with brand-spanking new programs.

I don't know how to really express what I've been feeling, about moving into Year 12 and all. The whole transition has been a huge thinking process about what I should do, and what I could be doing; what I need to do in preparation for assessment tasks to come; how to manage my time more effectively; how I need to improve my marks in all subjects; and most importantly, what I want to achieve from the HSC for Uni. I always believed that if you have an aim to work towards, you're set - you have a purpose in work and you know what you want. Instead of waddling around the whole thought of the HSC and not knowing where to go, because you don't know what you want. Firstly, I need to figure out what I want to do in Uni. After that, I can set a reasonable UAI score to make my target.

My mind has been set on something in the creative arts. I've been constantly going back to the idea of Advertising. During the past 2 weeks, people all around me have said something about the profession. My mum was in the advertising industry, and she suggested that I take it up and follow her footsteps. I would be subjecting myself to someone's else's dreams and ideas, not my own. Which leaves me to the inevitable question: what do I want to do?

I suppose the final year of your schooling career isn't just about exams, and getting awesome marks for the finals. It's also about thinking of the future and what you want to do after school. Take a year off and start working for some money? Go straight into Uni? Start Uni later, but for now take a holiday for a few months travelling?

That's one thing I'm not too keen on in the whole package of "leaving school" - making big decisions that will have an impact on your life.

And I'm turning 18 in 17 weeks, or 4 months and a bit. Sighs, I'm going to be a big person soon.

Cheers.

Labels: holiday, home, malaysia, thoughts, year 12

I woke up at 7 this morning to play Saturday Morning tennis with mum's coach and a group of others kids, all younger than me (2-4 years younger than me, to my surprise) - a tournament was taking place. As I sat on the couch in the comforts of our living room, I couldn't help but notice that the sky was still suffocating with haze as a result of the Sumatran fires. I sighed and continued to finish my bowl of cereal.

The weather hasn't been great at all. It's been hazy all week and many people have been affected by the smoke in health. On top of that, the usual air pollution that Malaysians produce each day makes it even unbearable. This weather sucks the fun out of everything.

Tennis was fine. With one more match to go and no time left, the weather was looking the same - add heat and sweat and haze together and what do you get? I might have caught something bad from the heat because I still have that headache I had felt from 5 hours ago. Anyway, I came in second place. That was for challenging a Year 9 girl (who had just finished her PMR and was one of those oh, i'm old enough to wear skimpy little tennis skirts and flirt with innocent boys of my age ohhhh girls) for first to 6 points in the unbearable heat. She was leading, but gave up. What a wimp.

I came home, and immediately fell asleep on my bed. An hour later, I had something to eat and then fell asleep shortly after some fruits. I woke up about an hour later and I return to my computer. I looked out through the window and saw something that stunned my eyes. I quickly got up and went out to our balcony, where I found a view to kill.

The haze has disappeared! The skies are blue, with large (of course!) drabs of clouds across it. The buildings, trees, hills and cranes are all in sharp and fine detail. The sun is out, giving everything a nice light reflecting off the surfaces, and pretty shadows across the land. I was surprised at how quickly the skies had just cleared up, compared to the morning, when it was all still hazy and miserable.

A before and after...

I finally had the chance to catch Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, and I did so with Shaz and Ray (who I haven't seen in months) at Midvalley.

An excellent film. It's very light-hearted, and a typical Will Ferrel movie. Although I believe that this is his finest movie so far. He's such a good actor. I simply adore his dark humour and randomness. He did write the film anyway, I think. After Anchorman, of course! An absolute must see movie, believe me. x)

Later that day, mum, Ri and I joined Su-Yi and her parents, Uncle Patrick and Aunty May for a delightfully filling and smelly Korean BBQ dinner at Desa Sri Hartamas. The dinner included many little dishes like mashed potato, seaweed, spinach and steamed egg; alot of barbequed meat and (I think,) pork; many bottles of Korean alcohol, sort of like the Japanese sake called (I think...) Chawan Isun; and a whole lot of random nonsensic chat. The restaurant, in one word, FRENZIED. That is all I can say. FRENZIED.

Well, ask me this: have I started working on my holiday homework? Eh, am I even supposed to have holiday homework, seeing that I am basically now in Year 12 and am starting whole brand new topics in the next term, hence I shouldn't have been given any work whatsoever? Guh, I have homework to complete for TAFE, which ended last term, but in order to PASS the course, I need to have completed/attempted all tasks given. Sighs. What a bother.

Should get cracking, anyway. Sighs.

Cheers!

Labels: holiday, home, malaysia

Feeling just fine last night, I decided to GIVE IN and put my IC number into the National Service website to see if I was picked to take part in the damn program.

Guess what? Whoop-de-friggin'-do, I got picked.

Upon seeing this notice, the government sent me an obligatory "congratulations" (tahniah in Malay). Great, I thought and laughed at the thought of it.

Great, I'm going to experience three months of hellish army-type camp, including an unforgettable opportunity to suffer weeks of amoebic dysentry, lessons on how to clean a communal toilet in the Malaysian jungle, lectures on war tactics and yay my favourite how to use a firearm! You can tell that I'm just full of enthusiasm!

Hah. You must be joking. There is no way in hell that I am going to waste three months of my life to ridiculous and useless national service. It's all about unity. Right, is there supposed to be a connection between UNITY and WAR TACTICS? If there is, then someone, please educate me. It will promote cultural integration. What? As if we Chinese, Indians and Malays don't share the same damn coffee shop? Sure, National Service will open up all kinds of opportunities to us - such as creating a revolution, or perhaps a massacre.

I don't believe in the program. I think it's absolutely useless and a waste of time and money. The government is just corrupt. I'll just keep deferring myself out of my service till they forget about me. I'll be 24-years-old anyway, will they still want me to clean toilets, vomit alongside and handle weaponry with a bunch of 17-year-olds?

Right, pushing aside the topic, here's a happy note: I had a haircut! It seems to me that I'm obsessed with the way my hair is cut. I like it short shorter shorter shorter! It's nothing new, my new haircut. It looks pretty basic without hair products in it. One day, I will cut my hair shorter. Much shorter, to the point where I can actually whip it up with a bit of gel and it'll stay in shape. Not like how I style it after a shower. ;)

The weather here in KL is absolutely horrid. It's been so hazy lately, as a result of the fires in Sumatra. Apparently, it's been going on for a long while and it was much worse than this before. I wake up some mornings thinking it's still the wee hours of the morning, when it's just one hour till noon. It's so gloomy, and the whole mood of the day is lost in the haze. Where's the inspiration to go out for the afternoon?

Cheers :]